Chapter 3: Memories of Youth

A person remembers many things in a lifetime and forgets just as many. Yet, there is always a singular moment that, no matter how many decades pass, brings a lingering warmth and a sense of tender attachment when recalled. For Clara Evans, her encounter with Julian Hayes was exactly that—a moment’s spark that became a lifetime’s heartbeat.

Back then, Clara had occupied her favorite spot in the library as usual on a weekend, struggling desperately with a mathematics problem. She hadn't noticed when Julian had moved into the seat opposite her. Sunlight fell upon the girl’s shoulders and drifted into Julian’s heart, warming everything it touched. He knew of her—the girl who had taken first prize in the English speech competition, whose confident and radiant presence had lit up the entire auditorium. Julian’s gaze moved from Clara’s face to her manuscript paper. Noticing her tedious, "brute-force" calculation method, he couldn't suppress a laugh. Clara finally surfaced from her sea of problems, frowning as she looked up to scrutinize the uninvited guest, but the moment she saw Julian clearly, her pen slid right out of the answer box.

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Draw an auxiliary line here," Julian’s fingertip brushed the paper near her hand. "Then substitute A into the equation."

Clara’s palms began to sweat, and her gaze darted around nervously. She recognized Julian—the math representative of the elite Class A, a fusion of looks and intellect often referred to as the school’s own Apollo. Before meeting him in person, Clara had thought such descriptions were merely exaggerated reputations. Julian wasn't in her class, and her only contact with him had been distant glimpses during school assemblies or award ceremonies. But now, face-to-face with the man himself, Clara found every word she had ever learned felt dull, unable to capture even a fraction of who Julian was.

"Clara Evans?"

"Huh?" Clara snapped back to reality. "Oh, right. Let me try... substitute A, then X equals... the answer is 2! Oh my god, Julian, you really are a genius."

"You're welcome." Julian seemed to enjoy the praise. He curled his lips into a smile and pushed his own workbook toward her. "How do I fill this part in?"

"......"

"I help you, you help me. Classmates should support each other. Come on, Class Rep, help me out."

"I'm not the class rep for your class," Clara muttered, though she took the workbook from his hand.

Everything began both suddenly and naturally. Clara’s solitary weekend study sessions transformed into a mutual aid group with Julian. Julian was gentle and humorous; he explained problems with clarity and occasionally threw in a joke or two. Clara didn't mind; in fact, she began to find things dull on the days Julian couldn't make it. It was strange, considering she used to be able to study an entire morning in the library by herself without any issue.

"Clarie, you'll be coming to Class A after this placement exam, right?"

"Can you call me something else?"

"Cici?"

"......Julian, do you have a death wish?"

Julian chuckled, silently mouthing the word

honey

. Clara picked up a book to swat him, but he dodged expertly. "The whole school is gossiping, saying you’ve captured this 'inaccessible flower.' Clara, let me walk you to and from school lately, otherwise, I’m afraid you’ll be drowned by the envious spit of every girl in this building."

"Julian," Clara let out a cold laugh. "First of all, you have absolutely nothing to do with being an 'inaccessible flower.' Second, there is nothing going on between us. They can say whatever they want..."

"Clara," Julian leaned in close. "Look at me. I don't believe your eyes are empty."

Clara had heard too many of Julian’s teasing remarks and couldn't be bothered to reply. Lost in thought, she leaned back slightly and lost her balance. Just as she was about to tumble from the chair, Julian acted with lightning speed and caught her. In that breath, Clara caught the woody scent of his cologne. She saw her own blurred reflection in his eyes, but the emotions there were surging. Suddenly, she recalled everything from the past few weeks—their time together, every word he had said. His testing, his comfort... it always landed perfectly on the softest spot of her heart. Clara had heard so many jokes about her and Julian, but the person involved had never truly revealed his heart, nor had he ever denied the rumors.

For a moment, Clara couldn't tell if the heart Julian hid beneath his jokes was real or fake.

But she knew her own heart.

"Clara," Julian pulled her up, pulling back his hand just before it reached the top of her head. "How can you not even sit properly?"

Clara gave a faint response, her ears filled with nothing but her own heartbeat. She lost all interest in studying and realized one thing with absolute certainty: in that moment when their eyes met, her gaze was not empty.

She liked Julian.

The school Clara attended was one of the top five prestigious institutions. To ensure high university acceptance rates, the school prioritized grades above all else, dividing students into ordinary and elite classes, and even splitting the elite classes into A and B. The rankings were refreshed every semester based on final exam results. Classmates were swapped in and out, leaving little room for sentimentality. The subtle sense of competition made already thin friendships even more fragile. However, given Clara’s personality, she didn't care much for such things. Aside from a few close friends, she maintained a basic social distance from everyone else.

At the end of the first semester of eleventh grade, Julian stood before the grade rankings waiting for Clara. The two of them shared a silent understanding; they didn't speak, but after checking their scores, they headed to the rooftop one after the other.

The wind messed up Clara’s long bangs and tugged at the hem of Julian’s shirt. The boy leaned against the rooftop railing, the setting sun kissing the corner of his eye.

"Clarie," Julian opened his arms toward Clara. "Make sure to keep helping me in the new semester, Class Rep."

Looking at his ambiguous expression, Clara’s heart drummed against her chest. Words swirled in her mouth, but she didn't know when to let them out.

"Clara? Why are you spacing out?"

"Clara?"

"Clarie?"

"Julian," Clara took a step back. "You..."

Clara didn't know what she wanted to ask. Ask if Julian liked her? What if he didn't mean it that way? Wouldn't that be incredibly awkward? But if she didn't ask clearly, staying in this ambiguity wasn't a solution either.

"What do you want to say, Clarie?"

"Can you stop calling me Clarie?"

"......" Julian froze for a moment, his voice sounding somewhat hurt. "Did I make you angry?"

"No."

"Then why..."

"Julian, don't you think we are being too intimate?"

Hearing this, Julian stood stunned, his hands curling into fists inside his pockets, at a loss. Half a second later, he rushed in front of Clara, desperate to confirm something.

"What’s wrong, Clarie? Did someone say something to you? Don't listen to them. Tell me who bothered you, and I’ll deal with them. Please don't stay silent, Clarie. You're scaring me."

Clara stared at the boy’s panicked face and suddenly burst into laughter. She took his cold hand in hers and said softly,

"Julian, do you like me?"