Chapter 8: Emotions

Jude felt that the more information he absorbed, the more things he couldn't understand.

He looked at himself in the mirror—indistinguishable from a regular person. He had the build, the features, the expressions for joy and anger... if a human had it, he had it; if a human could do it, he could too. Except for a heartbeat, a body temperature, and what Clara often mentioned: human emotions. Jude opened his palm and closed it into a fist, repeating the motion mechanically.

He was pondering what human emotions actually were.

Were they just moods? It didn't seem so. He had artificial tear ducts and could cry at the appropriate moment; a smile could bloom at the right time as well. Yet Clara would occasionally tell him he was doing it wrong, and when he asked why, she couldn't explain it clearly. Was emotion defined by intimacy? Jude didn't think that was it either, as Clara would occasionally look at him with a peculiar expression, yet she never engaged in any physical intimacy with him.

She drew a clear line: he was a robot, not

that man

.

Jude attempted to find answers online, but no one could give him a precise response. Eventually, he gave up on chasing the "why" and looked at Julian’s photos again. He had no other purpose but to hope that he could, as Clara said, mimic human thinking and possess human feelings.

When Clara returned from work, Jude proactively asked if she could take him out. Clara didn't suspect anything and took him to a park slightly further from home. The setting sun intertwined their shadows, stretching them long across the path. Jude sat on a bench watching Clara buy starch sausages, his gaze dancing along with her figure until she sat down beside him.

"You really like eating these?"

"Childhood memories," Clara said with a lilt in her voice. "Back in elementary school, the starch sausage stall at the gate was always the most popular after class. I could never squeeze my way in. Later in middle and high school, it was even more crowded. Every time, it was Ju—my classmate who helped me, or I wouldn't have been able to get one at all."

"You... were close with your classmate?" Jude lowered his eyes. "Was this classmate an important person to you?"

"It’s not quite like that," Clara sat up straighter. "You probably can't imagine it, but a human life is very short, yet we meet many people. Family, classmates, friends... some stay with us for a long time, others only for a fleeting moment. Some are important, some aren't. It can't be generalized."

Jude gave a soft hum of acknowledgment and said slowly, "Humans are truly complicated."

"Complicated but fascinating, aren't they? That’s what makes us human." Clara’s eyes curved into crescents. "That’s also where humans and machines differ. For many things, you have a single command, a single answer. For us, it’s not like that. In the multiple-choice questions of life, picking A is fine, and picking B isn't necessarily a bad thing."

Jude listened in confusion but nodded anyway.

Clara laughed. "Little comrade, you still have a lot to learn."

"If I learn all of this, can I be considered a real person?"

"Lately," Clara paused, "you seem very concerned about this question."

Jude avoided Clara’s probing gaze. "No, I’m just thinking that if I can become a bit more human, it should help with your research."

"True. Sera even mentioned applying for a project bonus for me. But your current state..." Clara subconsciously pulled her coat tighter. "Never mind, let's not talk about that. Let's sit for another ten minutes and then head home. I want to stop by the supermarket."

Jude nodded, his gaze falling on a couple not far away. Within him, desire began to grow and take root, silent and unnoticed.

While things were calm on Clara’s end, Seraphina’s evening was far from pleasant. Her mother had retired last year and had since poured all her life's focus onto her daughter, dedicated to solving Sera's "marital problem." Annoyed by the constant pressure, Seraphina had moved out, rarely returning except for holidays. Realizing her daughter's distance, Mrs. Quinn had quieted down for a while, only visiting Sera’s place occasionally to help clean and cook.

Today, Mrs. Quinn arrived with homemade braised beef. After accompanying her daughter for dinner, she brought up the old subject again, starting the marriage lecture.

"Going to see him won't hurt. Feelings need to be cultivated; meeting up gives both sides a chance. You can't judge a person just by text messages."

"I can't even find common ground with him while chatting. Is the situation going to be better in person?"

"Young Wang was introduced by Auntie Li. Everyone has good intentions. You'll be thirty-two after New Year—do you still think you're a young girl? If you don't take the initiative, an excellent man won't just wait in place for you forever."

"Mom," Seraphina leaned back in her chair, exhausted. "In your eyes, am I some kind of unsellable product?"

"What is wrong with you? Your thinking is so extreme. Everyone is doing this for your own good..."

"Is it for my own good?" Seraphina interrupted her. "Or is it to use me to pay back those ridiculous social favors? The man you’re introducing doesn't even have a proper job. He stays at home all day playing games and living off his parents... Did I work hard all these years—studying, getting my Master's, working—just to spend my life with a man like that?"

"How could you..."

"I'll drive you back. I have a business trip next week, so rest well at home and stop worrying about me."

Seraphina rubbed her temples, staring at the fish soup in her bowl, her appetite gone.

After dropping her mother off, Seraphina sat in the garage for a long time. she opened her WeChat chat with Nate, subconsciously scrolling through their history. Nate was perfect in every way—family, looks—except he was five years younger than her. Sera knew Nate was interested in her, and she didn't mind spending time with him, but a five-year gap brought many complications. She couldn't be carefree enough to ignore everything, so she had never truly taken that first step.

As her finger scrolled up, the other party sent a message as if sensing her thoughts:

【What are you doing?~】

Seraphina curled her lips into a smile and replied leisurely: 【Checking up on me?】

【How would I dare? Who am I to the Big Sister? I don't have the standing to check up on you... I'm just caring about you, that's all...】

【Just dropped off my mom. In the garage, about to go home, shower, and sleep.】

【Oh... so Auntie came to check up on you.】

【Yeah, she wants me to go on a blind date.】

The "Entering text..." status on the other side lasted for a while before a new message popped up.

【Are you going to go?】

Seraphina didn't answer. She got out of the car and headed toward the elevator. Her phone was in her pocket, so she didn't see the two messages Nate sent and immediately retracted:

【Please don't go.】

【Sister, do you just not like me?】

Nate huddled on his sofa, clutching a blanket and staring at his phone screen. The bedroom was so quiet that only his heartbeat remained. Seraphina’s attitude was too ambiguous; she indulged his blurring of their relationship in public, yet remained disappointingly professional in private.

After typing and deleting repeatedly, he finally only sent a single emoji.