My struggling stopped for a moment.

Seeing that these words were working, Julian smiled and repeated them over and over, as if coaxing a child.

Suddenly, I spoke: "Sienna cannot like Julian."

Julian's smile froze. He felt the hand in his palm growing colder.

I took the opportunity to pull my hand back.

Then, he saw me look up at him with an expressionless face.

Those beautiful, vibrant eyes were now shrouded in gray.

No sparkle, no hope, no love.

Like a robot, I repeated: "Sienna cannot like Julian."

Chapter 33

Julian was speechless.

Wrapped in a blanket, I was a mess, with no trace of my former self.

Jude stood at the door with his arms crossed. "Paranoid schizophrenia. When she's normal, she's no different from before, but when she has an episode, she becomes like this."

Julian kept his back to Jude, staring fixedly at Sienna. He asked, "Is there a way to treat it?"

"Yes, but the treatment process is very long. You might not be able to wait."

Julian was silent for a while, then reached out to smooth my hair.

"It's okay. I will stay with her."

After he spoke, Jude let out a deep sigh.

He felt powerless for the road ahead for his sister and his best friend.

Jude left the room.

Leaving Julian and Sienna alone together.

Julian sat on the floor, quietly accompanying me.

He had never felt the world so quiet before—only me and him.

...

I felt like I had slept. When I woke up, my back was aching terribly.

I crawled out of the wardrobe in the dark.

At that moment, the silhouette silhouetted against the window suddenly turned its head. The sudden movement of the still image startled me.

The person just looked at me without saying a word.

After a silent gaze, I realized who it was.

I was standing while Julian was sitting. The two of us just stared at each other; neither spoke first.

But the atmosphere between us was filled with too many unspoken thoughts.

We each knew what the other was thinking.

Finally, Julian spoke: "The culprit has been caught."

I was stunned, then nodded. "I heard from my brother."

Julian stood up and walked toward me step by step. I wanted to retreat, but behind me were only the bunched-up blankets and clothes.

I stepped on them, not knowing what to do.

"Are you afraid of me?" Julian's face was silhouetted against the light from the window, making his expression unreadable.

"No..." I countered immediately, but then didn't know how to explain.

I knew my condition had become serious, so I had become accustomed to waking up in different places.

When the episodes first started, I was afraid others were framing me; I had even scratched Jude.

I was afraid of hurting Julian, so I didn't dare get close to him.

It wasn't because of fear.

I loved him so much; how could I be afraid of him?

I lowered my head. "I'm sorry. Could you please go back for now? I want to rest."

Julian didn't move or speak; he just watched me.

The evening breeze stirred the white gauze curtains, lightly veiling Julian's figure.

When there was no response for a long time, I slowly looked up and saw Julian's expression.

In addition to sadness, deep love was mingled there, so intense it made my heart tremble.

—So, I used to be like this too.

Intense joy flooded my heart because Julian loved me too, but at the same time, a sliver of despair colored my world—I didn't want to be a burden to him.

My love with Julian was destined to end in failure.

At that thought, I no longer had the strength to look up. My shoulders slumped, and I lowered my head again.

Unbeknownst to me, crystal tears began to roll in my eyes, but I used the last of my willpower to keep them from falling.

Suddenly, a large hand was placed on my head.

Julian rubbed it gently, with the same pressure as before.

I was stunned, then heard him whisper, "Do you want to eat the sugar-coated haws from Tainan Street? I'll take you to buy some tomorrow."

He was still talking about everyday things, treating me just as he had before.

"You don't have to do this..." I felt even more miserable, whispering, "I can't live like I used to anymore."

Julian said, "It's just an illness; it will eventually be cured..."

"I'll stay with you."

The tears finally couldn't withstand his gentle touch and slid down my cheeks.

Chapter 34

In the end, neither of us got to eat those sugar-coated haws.

The next day, during an episode, I accidentally cut my wrist and was immediately admitted to the hospital.

Jude closed the door to the ward, blocking Julian outside.

Seeing Julian’s frantic expression, Jude couldn’t help but feel that his friend had finally fallen completely for Sienna.

"How did she get hurt so suddenly?"

"She accidentally touched a sharp object. Fortunately, it was discovered in time, and she's out of danger now."

Julian breathed a sigh of relief.

Jude pinched the bridge of his nose and said, "The doctor recommends hospitalization."

Julian froze. "A psychiatric hospital?"

"Not for now. She needs preliminary treatment and diagnosis first."

Upon hearing this, Julian’s expression turned solemn.

"I won't let her go to a mental asylum," Julian said, as if making a vow. "I will take care of her."

Jude sighed silently, then added, "I understand how you feel, but the doctor suggests you don't see her for the time being. Let her get through this period in peace."

The corridor suddenly fell silent, with only the occasional rhythmic beeping of medical equipment echoing in the air.

"I understand."

With that faint sentence, Julian turned and left.

Jude watched his friend’s back until it disappeared, then pushed the door open and entered the ward.

I was stroking the bandage on my wrist, but my gaze was fixed outside the window.

The sun was hiding behind the clouds, leaving the entire room quite dim. I sat there quietly, like a doll that couldn't speak.

Jude asked, "He's gone. Is this what you wanted?"

I slowly turned my head, my face showing neither sadness nor joy.

Looking at my increasingly haggard face, his heart ached for a moment. "The wound... you did it on purpose, didn't you?"

I simply smiled—a smile that was innocent yet tinged with gloom, like a fallen angel sinking into a quagmire.

Jude didn't know what else to say; for most of the past month, he had been talking to himself.

"Brother."

Suddenly, I held out my injured hand.

Jude was startled; it was the first time I had spoken to him in a long time.

"It hurts..."

Jude took my hand, and its coldness made his entire body shiver—even though it was still summer.

"It hurts..." I repeated, my tone sounding almost like I was acting spoiled.

Whether it was the wound that hurt or her heart, he could no longer tell.

He could only pray that Julian and I would eventually find our way.

On another night, I looked at the sleeping Jude by my bed with a clear mind.

Then I looked down at my wrist, recalling what happened during the day.

I had indeed caused the wound on purpose, specifically to avoid meeting Julian.

Julian was a favored son of heaven, a prosecutor with a brilliant future.

He couldn't spend his entire life with a useless person like me; I didn't want him to fall to such a state.

The fact that Julian didn't look down on me made me very, very happy.

But...

In the end, I had to let go.

The moment I thought of this, I felt a sharp pain in my chest.

Even though I had made up my mind, it still hurt.

I had loved him for so long that I could remember his scent even while breathing, and recognize his shadow even with my eyes closed...

Yet, in the end, I had to force myself to forget it all.

Cutting off a habit is like a blade piercing a tightly sealed clam, gouging out the most beautiful pearl and tearing out the flesh along with it.

It hurts so much I want to cry, to scream, but in the end, a clam has no mouth and no tears.

I, too, had to forget what it felt like to cry.

"Goodbye, Julian."

There was only a soft sigh in the night.

Chapter 35

After that brief meeting that night, Julian and Sienna did not see each other for a long time.

One used work to numb himself, while the other entered closed-door treatment.

Julian finished a day’s work and suddenly received a text from his parents. Aside from the usual greetings, the last sentence mentioned his love life.

[Son, you're almost thirty. Is there someone you like?]

Exhausted, Julian loosened his tie and typed a name on the screen.