Only he knew that he didn't dare stop.

The moment he stopped, Nancy’s face would fill his mind.

The way she looked at thirteen, soaked through after saving him from the river.

The way she looked at seventy-one, sitting in a leaky shack telling the camera, "I'm still a virgin."

The way she looked as she took Julian's arm and walked away from him.

These images were like knives, carving into his heart one stroke at a time.

He could only run, only fight, only exhaust himself until he collapsed into sleep to avoid thinking.

One day, Xavier had just returned from an out-of-town mission. Before he could even change his clothes, he was called to the Commander’s office.

The Commander sat behind the desk and pushed a sealed envelope forward.

"There’s a new mission on the Northern Front. We need to send someone undercover. High-level leadership specifically requested you."

Xavier took the envelope and opened it. The mission details were simple: assume a false identity to infiltrate a city on the Northern Front and gather intelligence. In the partner column, there was a name.

Nancy Miller.

Xavier’s hand paused, and his heart skipped a beat.

He stared at those words for several seconds before looking away.

"The cover identities this time are a pair of siblings," the Commander said. "Once you're there, you'll be a family living together to provide cover. Comrade Nancy is already on her way. Pack your things; you leave the day after tomorrow."

Xavier nodded, closed the envelope, and turned to leave the office.

Walking into the hallway, he suddenly stopped and took a deep breath.

Siblings.

Not husband and wife.

Yet he couldn't stop his heart from racing.

To be able to stay with her, to see her every day—even if only as siblings—he was satisfied.

He didn't dare ask for more; being by her side was enough.

On the day of departure, Xavier purposefully changed into a brand-new set of civilian clothes, shaved his beard clean, and trimmed his hair.

All along the way, a single thought recycled in his mind.

How has she been this past year and a half? Has she lost weight? Her child should be able to walk by now, right?

The train swayed for a day and a night before reaching the Northern border.

Xavier found the house according to the address, stood at the door, took a deep breath, and knocked.

The door opened.

It wasn't Nancy who opened it, but Julian.

He was wearing a casual sweater with sleeves rolled to the elbows, holding a baby bottle in his hand.

Seeing Xavier, Julian was stunned for a moment before stepping aside: "Come in. Nancy is in the inner room."

Xavier stood at the door, the smile on his face freezing.

He turned to look at Julian, then looked inside the house.

Nancy walked out from the inner room, holding a little boy about a year old. The little fellow was chubby and fair, chewing on his own fist.

She wasn't surprised to see Xavier.

"You're here? Come in, it's cold outside."

Xavier stepped inside. The house was well-heated and spotlessly clean.

Floral cushions covered the sofa, the coffee table was set with fruit and snacks, and a corner was piled with children's toys.

This was a home.

A complete, warm home that had nothing to do with him.

Chapter 17

Nancy placed the child on the rug, and the little fellow immediately scrambled up on all fours, giggling as he crawled toward Julian.

Julian knelt down and handed over the bottle. The boy took two bites of the nipple, then turned to look at Xavier, his dark, round eyes blinking.

Nancy walked over, her tone calm: "This is Nate. Nate, say hello to Uncle."

Nate didn't know how to say "Uncle" yet; he could only blow bubbles.

Xavier knelt down and looked at the little guy, smiling: "He looks like you."

Nancy didn't respond, turning to pour some water.

Julian stood up, set the bottle aside, and looked at Xavier.

"You've seen the mission plan, right? To the outside world, you and Nancy are cousins, and you've just come from your hometown to join us. On the surface, I'll run a small business, Nancy will stay home with the child, and you'll be responsible for outside liaison."

Xavier nodded.

"Alright, then there shouldn't be any problems," Julian said. "There’s an empty room upstairs that’s already been tidied up. You’ll stay there."

Xavier carried his luggage upstairs.

The room wasn't large but it was very clean, with freshly changed sheets and blankets.

He stood by the window and looked down, able to see the backyard.

A few vegetables were planted in the yard, and a clothesline was strung up with a child's onesies and small socks swaying gently in the breeze.

Xavier stared at the tiny clothes, lost in a daze for a long time.

The days that followed were a form of sweet torture for Xavier.

During the day, Nancy cooked in the kitchen while Julian helped out. The two of them chatted and laughed, their shoulders occasionally brushing.

Xavier sat in the living room reading the newspaper, his ears pricked up. Hearing their laughter, his heart felt as sour as if it were soaked in a jar of vinegar.

In the evenings, the family of three would go out for a walk. Julian pushed the stroller while Nancy took his arm, the setting sun stretching their three shadows long.

Xavier followed behind alone, carrying a grocery basket, looking very much like a housekeeper.

At night, when Nate refused to sleep, Nancy would carry him back and forth in the living room while Julian told stories nearby.

Xavier sat to the side, watching this family portrait, the teacup in his hand creaking under his grip.

What broke him the most was mealtime, where the two didn't forget to show their affection.

One evening, Nancy made pork rib soup. She served the first bowl to Julian, and the second to Xavier.

All the ribs went to Julian; Xavier’s bowl was full of radishes.

Nancy said: "Julian has been working hard lately; he needs the nourishment."

Xavier bit into a radish, thinking: I’m working hard too.

Favoritism! Hmph!

One night, for some reason, Nate wouldn't stop crying.

Nancy was sweating from worry, and Julian had spent half an hour rocking the child to no avail.

Xavier watched from the side for a long time, hesitated, then walked over and reached out: "Let me try."

Julian gave him a look and handed the child over.

In his previous life, Xavier had three children with Wendy; he was an expert at childcare.

Sure enough, the little guy soon quieted down in his arms.

Nancy let out a laugh: "It seems he likes you."

Holding Nate, Xavier looked down at the fair, tender little face. The boy actually grinned at him, revealing two tiny milk teeth.

His heart softened instantly.

One day, Nancy and Julian had to go out on business and entrusted Nate to Xavier's care.

Xavier treated it like a major battle. He padded all the sharp corners of the furniture with cloth in advance, taped over all the power outlets, and even swapped the cups on the table for plastic ones.

Nate crawled around on the rug, and Xavier sat on the floor, following him every step of the way.

Wherever the little fellow crawled, he followed.

When the boy used a small stool to pull himself up, Xavier kept both hands hovering nearby, ready to catch him.

When the boy chewed on his own toes, Xavier squatted nearby watching, unable to suppress a smile.

When Nancy and Julian returned, this was the scene they encountered—

Xavier was sitting on the rug, his hair pulled into a mess by Nate, and his face had a red mark on it, likely from a crayon or something similar.

Nate was sprawled across his lap, already asleep, with drool smeared all over Xavier’s trousers.

Nancy stood at the door, stunned for a moment by the sight.

Julian was the first to laugh: "Xavier, if the people at the base saw you like this, they’d laugh for a year."

Xavier sat on the floor holding the sleeping Nate, saying nothing.

He looked up at Nancy with wide, expectant eyes, like a child seeking praise.

Nancy walked over, leaned down to pick up the child, and said softly: "Thank you for your hard work."

Just those few words made Xavier’s heart skip a beat.

He opened his mouth, but the words died before they could escape.

As Nancy was about to turn away with the child, he scrambled to his feet and blurted out: "Nancy, can I be Nate's godfather?"

Chapter 18

Nancy was stunned for a moment. She looked down at Nate in her arms, then turned to look at Julian.

Julian walked over and glanced at Xavier.

In a rare moment of nervousness, Xavier’s fingers gripped the seams of his trousers as his eyes remained fixed on Julian’s face.