"He Asked Me To Kill Him" Chapter 33 Blood On Her Hands
The snow kept falling.
That felt obscene somehow.
Soft white flakes drifting quietly through the alley while Jonas Richter bled out against cracked concrete less than three feet away.
Like the world refused to acknowledge something irreversible had just happened.
Seraphina couldn’t stop staring at her hands.
Blood had already started drying against her knuckles.
Dark beneath the winter light.
Human.
God.
Human.
Lucien stood beside her without speaking.
The surviving execution operative had disappeared several streets ago. Somewhere farther down the industrial district, sirens echoed faintly through the frozen city.
Neither of them moved.
Seraphina’s breathing had gone uneven without her noticing.
Sharp inhales.
Shallow exhalations.
Like her body forgot how lungs worked properly.
“I killed him.”
The words came out flat.
Not dramatic.
Worse.
Disbelieving.
Lucien looked toward Jonas’s body once before returning his attention to her.
“He was trying to execute you.”
“I killed him.”
Again.
Like repetition might eventually make the sentence understandable.
Seraphina pressed both bloody hands hard against the sides of her head.
Training memories crashed violently through her thoughts afterward.
Blackthorn instructors teaching restraint protocols.
Human engagement doctrine.
The sacred distinction between hunters and monsters.
We kill to protect life.
Never for anger.
Never for fear.
Never lose control.
Except she had.
The knife went in too deep because part of her wanted him to stop talking.
Wanted him to stop looking at her like corrupted property already beyond saving.
The realization turned her stomach sharply.
Lucien stepped closer carefully.
“Seraphina.”
“Don’t.”
Too fast.
Too raw.
She backed away from him immediately until cold brick hit her shoulders.
The alley suddenly felt too narrow.
Too loud.
Too full of blood.
“I knew him,” she whispered.
Snow settled slowly through strands of dark hair stuck against her face while tears threatened somewhere deep enough she still fought them on instinct alone.
“Jonas trained recruits after Budapest.”
Her voice cracked slightly.
“He gave me my first field knife.”
Lucien stayed completely still.
Not approaching.
Not touching her.
Waiting.
Always waiting now.
Seraphina laughed once suddenly.
Sharp.
Broken.
“Oh my God.”
The sound echoed horribly off the alley walls.
“He used to bring coffee for exhausted trainees during overnight drills because he said hunters made stupid mistakes tired.”
Her chest tightened violently.
Because Jonas believed he was protecting humanity right up until the knife entered his lungs.
And worse—
some part of her still understood why.
The Church twisted good people slowly.
Not through evil.
Through fear.
Lucien’s voice remained quiet beneath the falling snow.
“You defended yourself.”
“I enjoyed it for one second.”
Silence.
There it was.
The real horror.
Seraphina looked down at her blood-covered hands again.
“One second,” she whispered. “When he called you a monster…”
Her throat closed painfully afterward.
Because she remembered it clearly now.
The anger.
The instinct.
The brutal satisfaction of winning.
Lucien’s expression changed immediately.
Not judgment.
Concern.
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Deep enough to hurt.
“Seraphina,” he said softly, “that doesn’t make you monstrous.”
“How would you know?”
The question landed harder than intended.
Lucien absorbed it anyway.
No anger.
No defensiveness.
Just tired understanding.
Because of course he knew exactly what she meant.
The alley settled quiet again except for distant sirens and soft winter wind moving through broken industrial fencing nearby.
Seraphina pressed one trembling hand against her mouth suddenly.
Not nausea this time.
Emotion.
Too much of it.
She’d spent her entire life controlling herself.
Every movement trained.
Every instinct disciplined.
And now everything inside her felt cracked open and bleeding.
“I don’t know who I’m becoming anymore.”
The confession slipped out before she stopped it.
Lucien looked at her like the words physically hurt him.
“You’re becoming someone capable of seeing the truth.”
“That’s not comforting.”
“No,” he admitted softly. “It usually isn’t.”
Tears finally arrived after that.
Not graceful ones.
Not cinematic.
Exhausted ones.
The kind dragged out of people after too many weeks surviving impossible things without enough room to collapse properly.
Seraphina turned away immediately.
Humiliation hit almost as hard as grief.
No.
Absolutely not.
Not here.
Not in front of him.
She wiped angrily at her face with bloodstained hands and only made things worse.
Lucien moved then.
Slowly enough she could stop him.
Carefully enough not to frighten her further.
He stepped into her space beneath the falling snow and reached toward her face with the same unbearable gentleness he used everywhere around her.
“May I?”
The question nearly broke her completely.
Because even now—
with blood on the ground and bodies cooling nearby—
he still asked permission.
Seraphina closed her eyes briefly.
Then nodded once.
Lucien touched her like something fragile.
One cold hand resting lightly against her jaw while the other lifted a clean handkerchief from inside his coat.
He wiped the blood carefully from beneath her mouth first.
Then from her hands.
Slow deliberate movements beneath drifting snow and distant sirens.
No judgment.
No fear.
Just care.
Which somehow hurt worse than condemnation would have.
Seraphina stood completely still while tears continued slipping silently down her face.
Lucien noticed every single one.
She knew because his expression changed each time like he physically disliked seeing her hurt.
“You’re looking at me differently,” she whispered.
Lucien’s brow furrowed slightly.
“No.”
“Yes, you are.”
He folded the bloodstained handkerchief slowly afterward.
Then looked at her fully.
Snow caught faintly in dark hair and along the shoulders of his black coat while winter light softened the exhaustion beneath his eyes.
“You know what I see?” he asked quietly.
Seraphina couldn’t answer.
Lucien stepped slightly closer.
“I see someone horrified she caused pain.”
His thumb brushed lightly beneath one tear against her cheek.
“Real monsters don’t break apart afterward.”
The alley fell silent again.
Seraphina stared at him through blurred vision while snow drifted softly around them both.
And suddenly she understood something terrifying:
Lucien had probably comforted countless people like this across centuries.
Wounded soldiers.
Dying strangers.
Lost souls collapsing beneath guilt and grief.
Because despite everything the world called him—
kindness still survived inside him stubbornly enough to outlive empires.
The realization hurt almost unbearably.
Lucien finished cleaning the blood from her hands before lowering them carefully between his own.
Still cold.
Always cold.
But steady.
Grounding.
And for the first time since Jonas fell—
Seraphina stopped shaking.
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