"He Asked Me To Kill Him" Chapter 37 The Girl In The Journal
The hidden chamber stayed quiet for a long time after Lucien spoke.
Dust floated slowly through candlelight while ancient wood shelves groaned softly beneath the weight of centuries.
Seraphina stood in front of Aurelia Van Helsing’s portrait trying to reconcile two impossible realities at once:
The founder of her bloodline loved a vampire.
And Lucien still looked at the painting like grief never fully loosened its hands from his throat.
“You never told anyone,” she said quietly.
Lucien remained near the doorway.
“No one asked.”
“That’s an infuriating answer.”
“It’s an old answer.”
She glanced back toward him.
The exhaustion in his expression looked deeper here somehow. Less hidden. Like this room stripped centuries of emotional armor away whether he wanted it to or not.
Seraphina turned back toward the portrait.
Aurelia’s painted expression carried the same stubborn intelligence Seraphina saw every morning in mirrors.
The resemblance unsettled her immediately.
Not identical.
Echoed.
History had a cruel sense of humor apparently.
“She looks happy,” Seraphina murmured.
Lucien’s gaze softened almost imperceptibly.
“She laughed often.”
The answer arrived instantly.
No hesitation.
Which meant he remembered the sound after centuries.
God.
That hurt.
Seraphina crossed deeper into the chamber slowly while running her fingers across old books stacked beside the portrait table.
Most had rotted beyond readability.
Except one.
A leather-bound journal wrapped carefully in faded cloth.
Lucien went visibly still the second she touched it.
“That survived?”
His voice sounded quieter now.
Almost disbelieving.
Seraphina looked toward him.
“You know this journal?”
Lucien crossed the room slowly after that.
Not toward her.
Toward the book.
Like approaching memory carefully enough might stop it from breaking further.
“Aurelia wrote constantly,” he said softly. “Field notes. Observations. Arguments she planned winning before conversations even started.”
Despite everything, Seraphina smiled faintly.
“That sounds familiar.”
Lucien looked at her then.
And there it was again—
that strange almost-wounded expression he wore whenever similarities between her and Aurelia appeared unexpectedly.
Not because he confused them.
Because he noticed the echoes anyway.
Seraphina sat carefully beside the old reading table before opening the journal.
The pages crackled softly beneath her fingers.
Latin script filled most of the entries in tight elegant handwriting.
Hunter reports.
Travel records.
Medical observations regarding vampire physiology.
Not hostile.
Scientific.
Collaborative.
Her entire childhood continued collapsing paragraph by paragraph.
Lucien remained standing beside the table while she translated aloud quietly.
“Lucien believes coexistence requires trust before negotiation…”
“The Church fears what it cannot control…”
“If hunters continue treating all night-born as monsters, war becomes inevitable…”
Seraphina looked up sharply.
“She predicted all of this.”
Lucien’s expression darkened slightly.
“Aurelia understood institutions better than most kings.”
Another page turned.
More entries.
More impossible tenderness hidden between strategy notes and historical observations.
“He pretends coldness when frightened.”
Seraphina paused.
Very slowly, she looked sideways toward Lucien.
Lucien looked deeply offended.
“I dislike her historical accuracy.”
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Seraphina laughed softly before continuing.
“Tonight he stayed awake watching snowfall instead of resting. He does this after difficult days.”
Silence.
Seraphina stared at the page.
Then at Lucien.
Lucien stared at the opposite wall with the exhausted dignity of a man betrayed by archival evidence.
“You’ve been emotionally predictable for six centuries,” she informed him.
“That feels unnecessary.”
“It feels hilarious.”
For one brief moment, the heaviness in the chamber lifted slightly.
Then Seraphina turned another page.
And the atmosphere changed immediately.
The handwriting became shakier afterward.
Less confident.
Ink smudged across several entries like Aurelia wrote them too quickly.
“The Order grows restless…”
“They accuse me of corruption…”
“Father Matthieu insists Lucien manipulates my judgment…”
Lucien’s posture stiffened beside her.
Seraphina noticed instantly.
She kept reading.
The entries worsened gradually.
Church pressure escalating.
Council threats.
Rumors spreading through hunter ranks.
History repeating itself so closely Seraphina’s stomach started turning.
Then—
one final folded letter slipped loose from between the journal pages and landed softly across the table.
Different handwriting.
Not Aurelia’s.
Seraphina unfolded it carefully.
Lucien already looked like he knew exactly what it was.
The letter began simply:
Aurelia,
If Lucien Valerius enters cathedral grounds tomorrow night, the Order promises clemency. No harm will come to him under sacred negotiation law.
Seraphina’s pulse slowed sharply.
No.
No no no.
She kept reading.
You have my word as your brother and High Commander of Blackthorn.
Bring him alone.
The signature at the bottom read:
Matthias Van Helsing
The room went completely silent.
Seraphina stared at the page while cold realization spread slowly through her chest.
Brother.
Not enemy.
Family.
Lucien still hadn’t moved.
“Lucien,” she whispered slowly.
He looked tired suddenly.
Not physically.
Historically.
“I never received clemency,” he said quietly.
The sentence landed like falling stone.
Seraphina looked back down at the letter with shaking hands.
Beneath the signature, another line had been added later in different ink.
Aurelia’s handwriting.
Small enough it was almost missed.
I thought love would make him merciful.
God.
Seraphina closed her eyes briefly.
Because she already knew what came next before asking.
“She betrayed you,” she whispered.
Lucien remained silent for several long seconds.
Then finally:
“She believed she was saving both sides.”
The defense arrived automatically.
Even now.
After centuries.
That hurt worse somehow.
Seraphina looked toward him sharply.
“They trapped you.”
“Yes.”
“They used her.”
“Yes.”
“And you still defend her?”
Lucien’s gaze drifted toward Aurelia’s portrait again.
Softened.
Broken around the edges in ways he probably thought nobody noticed anymore.
“She loved me,” he said quietly. “People make terrible decisions when they’re afraid of losing what they love.”
The words settled heavily between them.
Not accusation.
Warning.
Because suddenly Seraphina understood the true horror buried beneath this chamber:
History wasn’t repeating accidentally.
A hunter falling for Lucien had already ended in blood once before.
And somewhere deep beneath the monastery ruins, with Aurelia’s journal still open between them and centuries of betrayal breathing through old candle smoke—
Seraphina realized she no longer knew whether she was reading history…
or prophecy.
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