"He Asked Me To Kill Him" Chapter 64 The Hunger Beneath His Skin
The attack lasted seventeen minutes.
Long enough to destroy half the eastern monastery wing.
Long enough for Seraphina to watch three different versions of Lucien emerge during combat and realize one of them terrified her.
The first version was the one she knew already.
Strategic.
Precise.
Protective.
Lucien moved through the battlefield like someone solving violence mathematically — evacuating civilians first, collapsing tunnel access points, coordinating sanctuary fighters through hand signals faster than radio systems could process.
The second version was older.
The First Vampire.
The thing Church legends built nightmares around.
That Lucien appeared when the Blackthorn execution squads breached the lower refugee chambers.
Seraphina watched him tear through six armed hunters in under thirty seconds with enough force that even Cassian paused mid-fight to stare briefly in visible concern.
Not because Lucien lost control.
Because he stopped holding back.
And then—
near the end—
the third version surfaced.
That one frightened everyone.
The fighting finally pushed west toward the frozen forest line sometime after midnight while sanctuary medics established emergency triage stations throughout the surviving monastery halls.
Smoke drifted through collapsed ceilings.
Children cried somewhere deeper underground.
Emergency generators flickered constantly beneath damaged power lines.
War looked less cinematic up close.
Mostly it looked exhausted.
Seraphina moved through the ruined infirmary carrying medical supplies when she first noticed the blood.
Too much blood.
Not casualties.
Lucien.
He stood alone near the lower corridor sinks washing blackened blood from both hands while the ruined monastery lights flickered weakly overhead.
At first Seraphina thought he’d removed the gloves because the leather finally tore during combat.
Then she saw the sink basin.
Dark red diluted into black.
Not human blood.
His.
The corruption spread visibly across both forearms now.
God.
Her chest tightened instantly.
“Lucien.”
He looked up too quickly.
Caught.
Tiny thing.
Still terrifying.
The exhaustion in his face looked worse than before.
His pupils slightly too wide.
His breathing subtly uneven.
Like his body kept forgetting the correct rhythm for existing.
Seraphina crossed the room immediately.
“You’re bleeding.”
“I’m functional.”
“That wasn’t the question.”
Lucien turned the sink water off carefully afterward before reaching for the gloves resting beside the basin.
Seraphina stopped him.
Her fingers closed around his wrist before he could hide the corruption again.
The skin beneath her touch felt freezing now.
Not metaphorically.
Actually wrong.
Black veins twisted nearly to his elbows.
The corruption moved faster after the attack.
Of course it did.
Stress.
Violence.
Blood exposure.
God.
Seraphina swallowed hard.
“You pushed yourself too far tonight.”
Lucien’s expression shifted faintly.
Almost amused.
“We’re currently measuring ‘too far’ differently.”
“That’s not funny.”
“No,” he agreed softly. “It isn’t.”
The answer hurt because he sounded genuinely tired now.
Not emotionally tired.
Physically.
Ancient immortal systems finally beginning to fail beneath something designed specifically to kill them.
Seraphina pressed trembling fingers carefully against the side of his face.
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Lucien leaned into the touch automatically before realizing he’d done it.
Tiny unconscious movement.
Devastating anyway.
“You need rest.”
“There isn’t time.”
“There won’t be time if you collapse.”
Lucien looked toward the damaged corridor behind her where medics moved wounded civilians through the monastery halls.
“That’s precisely the problem.”
God.
The way he said it.
Like his own survival already mattered less to him than everyone else’s.
Seraphina opened her mouth to argue again—
then froze.
Because something changed behind Lucien’s eyes suddenly.
Not emotionally.
Biologically.
His entire body went still in the space between one breath and the next.
Predatory stillness.
Ancient.
Wrong.
Seraphina followed his gaze automatically toward the infirmary entrance.
A wounded civilian stood there clutching his bleeding shoulder while searching frantically for medical assistance.
Young.
Terrified.
Human.
The scent of fresh blood filled the corridor instantly.
Lucien’s pupils dilated completely.
No.
Seraphina looked back toward him sharply.
“Lucien.”
He didn’t answer.
The silence frightened her immediately.
Because he was trying.
God, he was trying so hard.
Every muscle in his jaw visibly tightened while his breathing slowed into something controlled with painful effort.
The civilian noticed none of it.
Still approaching.
Still bleeding openly through soaked bandages.
“Please,” the man whispered shakily toward them, “my daughter’s hurt—”
Lucien moved.
Too fast.
One second he stood beside the sink.
The next he slammed the civilian against the corridor wall hard enough nearby medical trays crashed violently onto the floor.
The monastery hallway exploded into chaos instantly.
Sanctuary guards drew weapons.
Medics shouted.
Seraphina’s pulse stopped completely.
Lucien held the terrified civilian pinned by the throat while something monstrous flickered visibly beneath his control now.
Not rage.
Hunger.
Pure predatory hunger sharpened violently by the corruption spreading through his bloodstream.
The civilian stared at Lucien in absolute horror.
And worst of all—
Lucien looked horrified too.
God.
His hands shook visibly against the man’s coat while black veins climbed farther up his throat beneath pale skin.
He was losing.
Not fully.
Not yet.
But the effort of holding himself back looked physically agonizing now.
“Lucien.”
Seraphina’s voice cut softly through the corridor chaos.
Lucien’s gaze snapped toward her instantly.
There he was.
Still there.
Buried beneath bloodlust and corruption and ancient instincts screaming through his nervous system.
Seraphina stepped forward slowly despite every armed sanctuary guard now aiming silver weapons toward Lucien.
Cassian appeared near the far hallway entrance already reaching for his gun.
Morvena looked one heartbeat away from issuing execution orders.
Seraphina ignored all of them.
She kept her eyes only on Lucien.
The civilian whimpered weakly beneath his grip.
Lucien flinched like the sound physically hurt him.
Good.
Still human enough for guilt.
Still Lucien.
“Look at me,” Seraphina whispered.
He did.
Immediately.
Always immediately.
And God—
the expression on his face nearly destroyed her.
Terror.
Not for himself.
For her seeing him like this.
Like the possibility of becoming exactly what the Church always claimed hurt worse than the corruption itself ever could.
Seraphina stepped closer.
Close enough now that if he lost control fully, she’d never stop him in time.
Cassian realized that too apparently because his voice cut sharply across the corridor:
“Seraphina.”
Warning.
Fear.
Ready to intervene.
She ignored him.
Lucien’s breathing sounded ragged now.
Painfully restrained.
His grip loosened fractionally around the civilian’s throat.
“Hey,” Seraphina said softly. “You know me.”
Lucien closed his eyes hard.
The black veins pulsed visibly beneath his skin.
For one horrible second she genuinely thought he might attack anyway.
Then slowly—
with visible effort brutal enough shaking spread through his entire body—
Lucien released the civilian and staggered backward into the corridor wall.
The man collapsed instantly.
Alive.
Barely understanding how close death just stood.
Silence swallowed the monastery hallway afterward.
Nobody moved.
Lucien stared at his own hands like he no longer recognized them.
Then quietly—
so quietly only Seraphina heard it—
he whispered:
“I almost did it.”
The words hollowed her chest instantly.
Because he sounded less shocked than devastated.
Like some ancient private fear finally escaped containment tonight.
Cassian lowered his weapon slowly across the hallway.
The sanctuary guards followed uncertainly afterward.
But nobody relaxed.
Nobody could.
Lucien remained pressed against the corridor wall breathing unevenly while bloodlust and corruption still visibly fought beneath his skin.
And for the first time since Seraphina met him—
she understood why immortality frightened him less than becoming a monster again.
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