"He Asked Me To Kill Him" Chapter 87 The First Time She Breaks In Front Of Him
Three nights later, Seraphina fed from a human for the first time.
Technically, the donor volunteered.
That did not make the experience emotionally easier.
The safehouse clinic occupied the lower floor of an abandoned boarding house near the river. The building still smelled faintly like smoke from the cathedral collapse, though people had tried covering it with candles and boiled herbs and fresh bread whenever they could manage it.
Normal things.
Human things.
The kind survivors clung to after wars ended badly instead of cleanly.
Lucien stood beside the narrow clinic window while the medic prepared the blood transfer kit across the room.
He looked calm.
Too calm.
Seraphina knew him well enough now recognizing what that meant.
He was terrified.
Not of her hurting someone.
Of her hating herself afterward.
God.
That somehow made everything worse.
“You can still back out,” Lucien said quietly.
Seraphina stared at the floorboards.
“If I back out, I’m eventually going to bite someone accidentally.”
“That’s not inevitable.”
“You nearly had a nervous breakdown because I reacted to a paper cut.”
Fair.
The medic—a tired woman named Eva who had worked battlefield triage during the Prague collapse—offered Seraphina a surprisingly sympathetic smile.
“For what it’s worth,” Eva said while adjusting tubing carefully, “most newborns handle this worse.”
Seraphina blinked.
“There are others?”
Eva looked mildly alarmed.
“Yes? We didn’t invent vampires specifically for you.”
Lucien coughed softly into one fist like he was hiding a laugh.
Traitor.
The blood bag rested on the small bedside table beside her chair now.
Dark red.
Warm.
God.
Her body reacted immediately.
The hunger sharpened so violently she had gripping the chair arms before instinct took over completely.
Lucien noticed.
Of course he noticed.
He crossed the room slowly afterward and crouched beside her chair without touching her immediately.
“Look at me.”
Seraphina tried.
The blood smell kept pulling at her concentration like a hook buried somewhere behind her ribs.
Lucien waited patiently until her eyes finally met his.
“There you are.”
The gentleness in his voice nearly undid her instantly.
God.
She hated how much she needed him steadying her through this.
No.
That wasn’t true.
She hated how natural it felt.
Because somewhere along the way, Lucien had become the place her panic instinctively ran toward instead of away from.
The emotional role reversal still felt strange sometimes.
For months she’d watched him unravel beneath hunger and corruption and centuries of loneliness.
Now he stayed grounded for her.
Calm for her.
Patient for her.
Lucien picked up the blood bag carefully afterward.
“Small amounts first,” he explained softly. “Too fast can overwhelm the nervous system.”
Seraphina stared at him blankly.
“You sound like a nurse.”
“I was literally a physician.”
“Right.” She groaned softly. “God, you’re going to become unbearably competent about this.”
“I already was.”
Fair honestly.
The tiny joke loosened some of the panic in her chest.
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Lucien noticed that too.
He always noticed.
“Here,” he said gently, holding the blood toward her.
Seraphina’s hands shook when she reached for it.
The warmth hit her palms instantly.
Alive.
No.
Not alive.
Donated.
Safe.
Consensual.
God.
Her entire body still reacted like prey instinct finally reversed direction completely.
She looked up at Lucien helplessly.
“I hate this.”
Lucien leaned one shoulder lightly against the chair beside her.
“I know.”
“I spent my entire life training against these instincts.”
“You spent your entire life surviving them without understanding what they actually were.”
The correction landed softly.
Not defensive.
Never defensive.
Lucien never tried romanticizing vampirism around her. He didn’t pretend hunger was beautiful or poetic or misunderstood.
But he also refused treating it like moral failure.
That difference mattered more than she expected.
Seraphina lifted the blood bag slowly.
The scent hit harder up close.
Warm iron.
Salt.
Human.
Her mouth watered instantly.
Humiliation burned through her chest.
Lucien reached over quietly and tucked loose hair behind her ear before she spiraled deeper into shame.
“Hey.”
She looked at him.
“You are not disgusting for needing to survive.”
God.
The sentence nearly broke her apart right there.
Because somewhere deep down, part of her still believed she deserved punishment for wanting blood at all.
The Order had built that reflex carefully over years.
Lucien saw it every time it surfaced.
And every single time—
he answered it with patience instead of disgust.
Seraphina finally drank.
The reaction hit immediately.
Warmth spread through her body fast enough her eyes closed instinctively. The constant ache beneath her skin eased within seconds while the hunger quieted from screaming desperation into something manageable.
Relief flooded her so suddenly it almost hurt.
God.
She hadn’t realized how starving she actually was.
Lucien stayed beside her the entire time without speaking.
No staring.
No monitoring her like she was dangerous.
He simply remained there.
Steady.
Safe.
Like feeding wasn’t shameful enough needing supervision.
By the time she lowered the blood bag, her hands had stopped shaking.
The room felt quieter now too. Softer around the edges.
Eva nodded approvingly from across the clinic.
“See? Nobody exploded.”
“An encouraging medical standard,” Seraphina muttered weakly.
Lucien smiled faintly beside her.
Then she realized something horrifying.
Tears blurred her vision suddenly.
No.
Seraphina looked away immediately.
Lucien noticed anyway.
Always.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
The answer came embarrassingly fast.
She pressed both palms hard against her eyes trying stopping it.
God.
This was ridiculous.
“I think…” Her voice cracked. “I think part of me expected it feeling evil.”
Silence settled softly through the clinic.
Lucien’s expression changed immediately.
Not pity.
Something sadder.
Understanding.
Seraphina laughed shakily through tears.
“And now I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore.”
Lucien stayed quiet for several seconds afterward.
Then carefully—
slow enough giving her time refusing—
he took the empty blood bag from her hands and set it aside.
Afterward he knelt beside the chair again.
Not above her.
Beside her.
“I don’t think becoming immortal erased who you were before.”
Seraphina wiped angrily at tears.
“It changed me.”
“Yes,” Lucien said gently. “So did surviving the Order. So did the war. So did loving me.”
God.
She looked down at him.
Lucien’s gaze stayed impossibly calm beneath hers.
“People change,” he said quietly. “That doesn’t automatically mean they become monsters.”
The words settled somewhere deep inside her chest.
Not fixing the fear entirely.
But softening it enough breathing became easier again.
Seraphina finally let herself lean forward afterward until her forehead rested tiredly against Lucien’s shoulder.
He wrapped one arm around her automatically.
No hesitation.
No fear.
Just warmth.
And for the first time since waking immortal—
Seraphina cried without feeling like she had to hide it from him.
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