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"He Asked Me To Kill Him" Chapter 94 The Thing That Finally Scares Him

 

The safehouse smelled like dust and antiseptic for the next two days.

Cassian complained about structural damage with the dramatic despair of a man personally betrayed by architecture.

Morvena supervised repairs while threatening violence against anyone who used the phrase “minor explosion” again.

And Lucien—

Lucien became quiet.

Not distant exactly.

Worse.

Careful.

Seraphina noticed it immediately.

At first, she told herself she imagined it.

He still touched her automatically when passing behind her in crowded hallways. Still brought coffee she technically didn’t need anymore. Still looked for her first whenever entering a room like some instinct inside him checked her existence before relaxing.

But something underneath that had shifted.

Tiny things.

The way his gaze lingered too long after training sessions.

The way silence settled between them sometimes after she spoke about the attack.

The way he watched her hands now.

God.

She knew why.

Because she remembered it too.

The hunter kneeling beneath her blade.

The complete absence of hesitation.

The terrifying ease of it.

And worst of all—

part of her understood exactly why she’d done it.

Not rage.

Not bloodlust.

Efficiency.

The realization sat heavy in her chest all week.

Tonight, rain hammered softly against the safehouse windows while most people downstairs argued over card games and supply inventories.

Seraphina stood alone in the kitchen slicing oranges with unnecessary precision when Lucien entered quietly behind her.

“You’re awake late.”

She didn’t look up.

“So are you.”

Fair.

The knife moved cleanly through another orange segment.

Lucien leaned lightly against the doorway afterward, sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms while exhaustion sat visibly beneath his eyes again.

Neither of them spoke immediately.

The silence stretched long enough becoming noticeable.

There.

Again.

God.

Seraphina set the knife down carefully.

“Are you afraid of me now?”

The question landed harder than she intended.

Lucien looked genuinely startled.

“No.”

Too fast.

Lie.

Not a full lie.

But enough.

Seraphina finally turned toward him fully.

“You hesitated.”

His jaw tightened slightly.

“When?”

“In the training hall.”

Lucien looked away first this time.

Not dramatically.

Just tiredly.

God.

That hurt more than denial would have.

Seraphina crossed her arms lightly against her chest.

“I killed them.”

“They were trying to kill us.”

“That’s not what scared you.”

The kitchen fell quiet except for rain and distant voices downstairs.

Lucien rubbed one hand slowly across his mouth afterward before answering.

“No,” he admitted quietly. “It wasn’t.”

There it was.

Truth.

Always truth eventually between them.

Seraphina nodded once like she expected it.

Because maybe she had.

Lucien pushed away from the doorway then and crossed slowly toward the kitchen counter.

Not retreating.

Never retreating from her.

Just choosing honesty carefully.

“You didn’t hesitate,” he said softly.

“I know.”

“That’s what frightened me.”

The words settled heavily between them.

Seraphina stared down at the sliced oranges scattered across the cutting board.

“I used to think mercy separated hunters from monsters.”

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Lucien stayed silent.

“I looked into his face,” she continued quietly, “and I knew exactly what I was going to do before I moved.” Her throat tightened faintly. “And part of me felt calm.”

God.

Saying it out loud made the memory sharper somehow.

Lucien watched her carefully now.

Not judging.

Never judging.

But thinking.

That almost felt worse.

Seraphina laughed softly under her breath without humor.

“This is the part where you realize saving me was a terrible decision.”

Lucien’s expression changed instantly.

Actual pain crossed his face.

“No.”

“You don’t even sound convincing.”

“Because I’m trying figuring out how answering this correctly without hurting you works.”

Fair honestly.

The rain intensified outside.

Somewhere downstairs, Cassian shouted about cheating loud enough both of them automatically ignored it from long practice.

Normal sounds.

Safehouse sounds.

And here they stood in the kitchen discussing whether Seraphina’s growing darkness terrified the oldest monster alive.

God.

Life became strange.

Lucien stepped closer slowly afterward until only the counter separated them.

“When I looked at you in the training hall,” he admitted quietly, “I didn’t see cruelty.”

Seraphina looked up.

“What did you see?”

His answer took longer this time.

“Someone becoming powerful enough surviving this world.”

The sentence landed unexpectedly hard.

Because part of her wanted condemnation.

Or reassurance.

Something simpler than that.

“You make it sound noble.”

“I don’t think it is.”

The honesty startled her again.

Lucien rested one hand lightly against the kitchen counter between them.

“I think surviving long enough eventually changes everyone in ways frightening them.”

His gaze dropped briefly toward her hands afterward.

“The difference is whether those changes erase your ability choosing kindness.”

Seraphina swallowed hard.

“And you think I still can?”

Lucien looked at her like the answer genuinely confused him.

“You cried over feeding from a blood donor.”

God.

Right.

“You rebuilt housing districts personally after the ceasefire because displaced children made you angry.” A faint sad smile touched his mouth. “You still apologize to furniture after walking into it.”

“That happened once.”

“Three times this week.”

Traitor.

Despite herself, a small laugh escaped her.

Lucien’s expression softened instantly hearing it.

“There are violent people who enjoy power,” he continued quietly. “And there are protective people forced becoming dangerous.” His eyes held hers steadily now. “You are not the same thing.”

The words loosened something painful inside her chest.

Not fixing it completely.

Just enough breathing became easier.

Still—

the question remained there between them.

Seraphina looked down briefly before asking the thing she actually feared.

“Do you regret saving me?”

Silence.

Lucien stared at her like the question itself wounded him physically.

Then slowly—

very slowly—

he moved around the kitchen counter until standing directly in front of her.

Close enough she could feel warmth radiating through his shirt.

Close enough hearing his heartbeat clearly beneath the rain.

“Seraphina,” he said quietly, “I spent centuries terrified the monster inside me would eventually destroy everyone I loved.”

Her throat tightened.

Lucien lifted one hand afterward and rested it carefully against the side of her face.

“You becoming stronger does not frighten me.”

His thumb brushed lightly beneath her eye.

“What frightens me,” he admitted softly, “is the possibility this world might force you into believing love and mercy are weaknesses you can no longer afford.”

God.

That nearly broke her.

Because there it was again.

Not fear of what she’d become.

Fear of what suffering might convince her stop being.

Seraphina closed her eyes briefly against his hand.

“I don’t know how balancing both parts of myself works yet.”

“You don’t have solving it tonight.”

The gentleness in his voice hurt.

Good hurt.

Home hurt.

When she finally looked up again, Lucien’s expression had softened into something quieter now. Still worried. Still thinking too much probably.

But here.

Still here.

Seraphina leaned forward slowly afterward until her forehead rested lightly against his chest.

Lucien’s arms wrapped around her immediately.

Automatic.

Certain.

No hesitation at all.

And standing there in the safehouse kitchen with rain against the windows and voices echoing downstairs—

Seraphina realized the thing anchoring her humanity was not the absence of darkness.

It was him refusing to fear her for carrying it.

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