"The Vow I Never Meant to Keep" Chapter 18
Why did the system have to manipulate Julian’s emotions? Its goal was to prevent me from being with Julian. But Julian didn't love me anyway. Under such circumstances, why did the system arrange for others to be by his side and manipulate his feelings...
I felt I was just one step away from the truth.
And in the next second, Julian stood right in front of me.
"Clara, this time my heartbeat belongs to me—I am certain: the person I love is you."
Chapter 35
I froze on the spot.
I looked at Julian in disbelief, my mind shrouded in a thick, heavy mist.
If I hadn't been watching his lips move just now, I would have thought I was hallucinating.
"What did you say?"
Julian didn't repeat it. Instead, he walked away a few steps and turned his back to light a cigarette.
The practiced movement showed it wasn't his first time.
I suddenly clenched my hand: "When did you learn to smoke?"
I clearly remembered that Julian, in order to become the best doctor and be fully responsible for his patients, never touched tobacco or alcohol.
What had Julian become in the five years I was gone?
Julian paused, then exhaled a cloud of smoke: "A doctor can hardly treat himself. Nowadays, I suppose I’m a patient myself."
"For five years, I haven't been able to sleep well a single day. Eventually, it became chronic insomnia, and I had to take medication. But that medication affects the brain if taken too much, so Zhan Hongling forced me to quit. So, whenever anxiety strikes, I can only smoke a cigarette."
"I know something is wrong with me, so I rarely perform as lead surgeon anymore; most of the time I’m a first assistant. I know there’s nothing wrong with my medical skills, but my psychological state has deteriorated."
I took a silent breath: "Withdrawal symptoms?"
Julian nodded, tapping off the ash: "Yes."
He only took two puffs before stubbing it out.
He didn't step closer, though; he still remembered that Clara Ke didn't like the smell of smoke.
He wouldn't have smoked in front of her if he hadn't been pushed to the absolute brink of agitation.
Julian lowered his eyes, feeling that compared to Clara Ke, he had become the least like his former self.
The Julian Clara Ke liked was the one from the past. Looking like this now...
He couldn't even take care of himself, so how could he dare to奢求 (presume to ask) for her forgiveness?
"Clara, you're fine, you’re still alive, I’m truly happy... If you don't want to tell me what happened five years ago, that’s fine, as long as you’re okay..."
"You don't have to take my confession to heart either; I just wanted to tell you."
"Ever since I learned of the system's existence and knew my emotions were being manipulated, this has been like a stone weighing on my heart."
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"Now that I’ve said it, even if I were to die now, I would have no regrets."
"Don't worry, I know you want a new life... you deserve a better life, and I won't disturb you."
After saying this, Julian turned and left.
Without a moment’s hesitation, in the blink of an eye, his back disappeared from my view.
I had originally thought he came to interrogate me.
I never expected him to explain the past and tell me he liked me, with no interrogation at all.
Liked me...
I replayed Julian’s confession in my mind. I couldn't deny that my heart had trembled violently when I heard it.
But I didn't believe it.
Yet, a second later, I recalled the system’s series of operations.
The system had lied to me, claiming it was there to help me win Julian over, when in reality, it didn't want me to be with him so that it could harvest the pain from me.
But as long as Julian didn't love me, I would be in pain.
Why... why did the system arrange for another woman to be by his side in every world?
And why did it have to manipulate Julian’s emotions?
The answers to these questions all pointed to one conclusion—
If the system didn't do that, its goal would not be achieved.
In other words, Julian would have been with me...
And in all ninety-nine lifetimes, he would have loved me.
To prevent us from being together, the system had to arrange for another woman to appear and manipulate Julian’s feelings.
My heart suddenly skipped a beat.
Perhaps the system lied to me about more than one thing—I was never a supporting character in this world.
I was the female lead all along.
Someone had deceived my perception and stolen my lover away.
Chapter 36
The wind on the rooftop whistled past.
In April, the weather wasn't too cold yet.
But goosebumps rose on my arms.
My thoughts were a chaotic mess; I tried desperately to find evidence to refute the hypothesis I had just made.
But I couldn't find a single trace to the contrary.
Combining all the events, my hypothesis was correct—it had to be.
But I couldn't accept it. It turned out that Julian and I were destined to be together, yet we had been forcibly separated for ninety-nine worlds.
I had thought Julian had never liked me, and that Julian knew nothing, was used, and had his emotions manipulated and altered.
All of this was done by that system...
We had both been deceived.
My throat felt tight, and my breathing became labored.
Just then, I heard a slight noise from the rooftop door.
"Who’s there?"
I frowned and called out toward that direction.
A person then stepped out.
"I've heard much about you; I've finally met you in person today, Dr. Ke." The man in the lab coat walked out with an irreverent smile. "I’m Zhan Hongling, Julian’s friend."
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Friend.
The word made me frown involuntarily.
In the past, I was the only friend Julian had.
Growing up, people either thought Julian was too pretentious and looked down on him, or thought he was too cold and difficult to approach, or that even if they knew him, they couldn't get close to him.
I looked at this strange man I had never seen before: "Friend? Are you really his friend?"
Zhan Hongling walked a few steps forward but stopped while still a distance away: "Of course. Why does Dr. Ke ask? Do I not look like a good person?"
I didn't mince words: "Indeed, you don't."
"Dr. Ke, your suspicion of me makes me very sad." Zhan Hongling spread his hands helplessly. "I only transferred to Qiming Hospital specifically after hearing about Julian’s glorious reputation."
"I came here for the sole purpose of becoming his friend."
Anyone hearing that would assume Zhan Hongling had ulterior motives for approaching Julian.
I subconsciously thought of the system again.
Could it be that the system hadn't disappeared, but was still lurking around us?
I became wary: "You specifically came to Qiming Hospital to be his friend just because of his medical skills?"
Zhan Hongling nodded with a smile, but his next words were: "Even if my motives aren't pure, by what identity is Dr. Ke managing Julian’s affairs now?"
"Are you a friend who disappeared secretly for five years, or are you a..."
I frowned: "What do you know?"
"I know a lot." Zhan Hongling smiled in a way that seemed harmless. "I know how much Julian has suffered over these years, how much he has missed you, and how poorly he has been doing."
"I wonder if Dr. Ke knows that there was once a time Julian almost couldn't continue being a doctor?"
I was severely shaken: "What?! What happened?"
The reason I went abroad to study and work these past five years was to stay as far away from Julian as possible.
I knew all his online accounts, but I had never snuck a look at them, even though I knew Julian never posted anything online anyway.
I had severed all sources of information about him because I wanted to say goodbye to the past, to those ninety-nine absurd worlds, and to live for myself for once.
My life shouldn't be defined by Julian alone.
And I didn't need to revolve around him, either.
But I couldn't deny that hearing news of him still made my heart chaotic; I still couldn't maintain my composure.
Just like when I heard fifteen days ago that I was being sent to Qiming Hospital for an exchange.
It felt as if fate itself had ordained that Julian and I should meet again.
Chapter 37
After I finished that sentence, Zhan Hongling did not answer.
He stood with his hands in the pockets of his lab coat, maintaining that flippant, devil-may-care appearance: "It seems you are still very concerned about Julian. Then why did you disappear for five years and not tell him you were still alive?"
My brow furrowed deeply: "That is my own business."
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