Chapter 20

I get outside and shift. No matter how many times I shift, I'll never get used to the pain that accompanies the breaking of my bones as they rearrange themselves.

I grit my teeth against the onslaught of pain and within minutes I'm on paws. My clothes lie on the floor, torn. I don't waste time and take off, afraid that Sebastian will catch me and then there would be hell to pay.

His house was on a large piece of land surrounded by trees. By large, I mean acres of land. Given he was an Alpha, I get why he needed that much land.

Alphas tend to be more volatile than the rest of us; more aggressive. Running and hunting through dense forests helps them curb their inner beasts.

That's why you'll find that many Alphas who have homes separate from the ones they have on pack lands have more land.

As for pack land, most packs are settled together, but to humans, it always seems like posh community house developments.

The leaders provide the funding for building the houses located on pack lands. This is usually done through the different businesses and investments that the pack has.

There are those who prefer living in the main pack house instead of individual houses.

There are also those who don't live in the houses provided by the pack and mostly come to the pack lands when there's a pack meeting or pack function.

For those types, the houses or apartments which they buy or rent are strictly on them because it's outside the limit of pack territory. Most werewolves choose to stay within pack lands, though. Darren and I stayed in pack territory. We moved out of the pack house later on and took our own separate house when we found out I was pregnant.

He didn't want Krystal surrounded by what goes on in the main pack house, and I agreed wholeheartedly.

I still cringe when I remember finding an elderly couple going at it in the game room. They were like wild rabbits. I swear I almost puked right there and then.

So, the pack has ranks. There's the Alpha who is the leader. He is usually an heir to the former Alpha and Luna. Usually, Alphas are the strongest in the pack, but in the case the heir is weak, anyone who feels they're stronger can issue a formal challenge for the Alpha title.

Next are the Betas. They are usually the Alpha’s right-hand man or woman. After them, there is the Gamma. Some packs have Gammas while others do not. Darren's pack didn’t have a Gamma, and I'm beginning to think Sebastian doesn’t have one either because he hasn't mentioned anyone.

The Luna is the Alpha's mate and in ranking, she ranks higher than the Beta. Then there is the female Beta who ranks higher than the Gamma. At the bottom are the Omegas. Omegas usually have really weak wolves and some don’t even have wolves despite having the wolf gene.

One thing novels got right is about mates. We do have fated mates, but we also have chosen mates. One can choose their own mate if they have been rejected by their fated, their fated dies, or in rare cases like mine, when you weren't blessed with a fated mate.

The thought still stings a little because I can't help thinking that maybe if I had been given a fated mate, then I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken the way I did. Then again, I can't regret meeting Darren because that would mean regretting Krystal.

I shake those thoughts as I reach a stream. The clear, clean water beckons me to go for a swim. I change back to human form and get inside the water. The coolness of it relaxes me. A flowing river just has a way of cleansing you.

"What happened that day, Blue? Before I passed out, I felt like I was being torn in two?" I ask Blue, now that I was alone without distractions. My mind went to how I felt. Like my mind was attacking itself, and fuck, was the pain excruciating.

“I'm sorry about that, Ren, but I had to fight for control,” she answered. “We were losing it and I was afraid of what would have happened if we had made it outside and ran.”

“The fact that we tore a man’s throat without even flinching scared the crap out of me,” she continued in a shaky voice.

I wince, just remembering his blood splashing on my face. The thrill I got at tearing him to pieces and watching his body crumble was disheartening.

I hate how it makes my skin crawl when I remember it, and for the millionth time, I curse Darren for putting me through this. This was all his fault. He was too wrapped up in Miranda to see that the bitch was only using him—using him to cushion her fall from grace.

"You have to ask Sebastian to mark you. With everything going on, I doubt he even remembers that the mating ceremony was interrupted before he could mark us.”

“I will, Blue.” I float on the water, trying to erase all my worries.

She sighs in annoyance. “That's what you said the last time.”

She was also right there. The problem is, I find it hard broaching the subject with Sebastian. Every time I intended to go talk to him about the subject, I find him bent over his desk, his focus on the murder mystery that was slowly escalating.

Probably due to frustration, he would growl at me and I'd end up fleeing his office without speaking to him about it.

"We're in a serious situation. In case you haven't noticed, we're losing control more and more often. What do you think will happen when we lose control around Jax and Krystal?” she inquired shrilly. That had me pausing. “I would never hurt them,” I emphasize passionately.

"Are you sure about that?” she asks in exasperation. “You as a mother might not attack them, but what about this other side? The feral version of us. Can you honestly assure me that you won't lose it when they do something that angers you? Because let's be truthful: they're kids and they're bound to push our buttons. What happens when you lose it and lash out? Because like it or not, our trigger is anger.”

I get out of the water while thinking about it. I couldn't lie to myself, so I had to admit that I wasn't sure that they would be safe around me. I care about both of them, but Blue was right. With how unhinged I was, there was a chance of attacking them without even realizing it.

I sigh in defeat. “Okay then. Let me go and talk to Sebastian.”

With that, I shift. I run through the forest, feeling the wind blow past my reddish-brown fur. I was enjoying my way back when it all came crashing down. I start feeling uneasy. For some reason, I felt like I was being watched.

Like someone was trailing me. Sebastian had told me he had pack warriors stationed at different places, but this felt wrong. This felt like I was being hunted. Like I was the prey. I pump my legs harder, zipping through the forest.

The feeling persists and dread starts creeping in. Right now, when I was probably not even safe, it hits me that I ran further than I had intended to.

I don't know whether it was real or just my scared imagination, but I started hearing a second set of paws. Blue pushes us harder, afraid to look behind us. The one mistake that people do in horror movies is looking behind them. I wasn't about to do that, because it distracts a person.

Whoever the wolf was, was beginning to gain on us.

“You have to hurry, Blue,” I plead. There was no way in hell would I let us get attacked. Again.

She snapped angrily. “I am doing my damn best.”

Why the hell was she so touchy? It was just a simple request.

Minutes later, we break through the forest and I see the house. I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear the steps stop then recede. Without breaking my momentum and still afraid, I continue running. Now that I was somewhat safe, I look behind me and see a pair of glowing yellow eyes.

The malice behind them makes me lose my focus and crash into a hard wall. I stand up on wobbly legs and realize I didn't crash into a wall. Instead, I had crashed into Sebastian.

If I had thought me being away would cool him, I was wrong because he looked pissed off.

“Shift,” he commanded authoritatively.

There was no way I was going to let him see me naked. I ignore his command. Instead, I lower my head and growl at him.

“I swear on the Goddess, if you don't willingly shift right now, Red, I'm going to force your shift and I will spank you for your insolence,” he fumes, his jaw is hard as granite, and he is gnashing his molars. I am definitely stupid and I like playing with fire because I still refuse to submit. Without warning, he grabs me by the scruff of my neck. He lifts me up so we are eye to eye, his green eyes now glowing an iridescent color.

“Fucking shift.” He puts his Alpha power behind the command and within seconds I am naked in his arms.

“I don't like repeating myself, Red,” he seethed, his arm on my waist tight enough to leave a bruise. I glare at him, irritated. First, because this was a position I'd rather not be in—especially with kids inside—and the fact that I was standing naked outside where any of his Omegas or warriors could see us.

Second, I hated that he seemed unaffected by my nudity while I had to force back the arousal that was rising. I guess he really wasn't attracted to me. How tragic for my stupid ego.

“That's not my fucking...” I go to retort but stall when I hear a howl in the distance.

I turn my head around to survey the forest, but I see nothing.

"What is it?” Sebastian demands, probably feeling the stiffness in my bones.

It must have been my imagination because it seemed like he didn't hear the howl. Which just creeped me out more. Why didn’t he hear anything?

“Nothing,” I respond, a bit shaken.

He studies me before letting go of me and I force myself to relax. No need of letting him know that I was beginning to lose my mind.

“Let's get inside, there's something I want us to discuss,” he says, grabbing my hand.

I follow him, all the while feeling a chill down my spine. Someone was after me and it seemed I wasn't safe. Not even in Sebastian's territory.