"Long hair that was cut off" Chapter 11
On the first day of the Chinese exam, I arrived at the test site half an hour early. The school gate was already crowded with parents seeing their children off. They stretched their necks, their gazes earnest, following the figures of their children, endlessly叮嘱 (exhorting) them to "not be nervous" and to "read the questions carefully."
Mom and Dad saw me off outside the police line. Dad patted my shoulder firmly, his eyes full of trust and encouragement: "Nina, don't be afraid, just perform normally! Mom and Dad will be waiting for you outside!"
I smiled at them, nodded, and turned to walk into the exam room.
At that moment, I felt like a soldier about to step onto the battlefield, and behind me, I had the strongest backing.
The exam room was quiet; the proctor solemnly read the exam rules. I sat in my seat and took a deep breath, pushing all distractions out of my mind. After the papers were handed out, I quickly browsed through them, and my heart was immediately set at ease. The question types were all familiar, and the difficulty was within expectations.
I picked up my pen and began to answer.
My pen tip glided fluently across the paper—one block character, one formula, one English word after another, flowing from my mind onto the paper. The hard study of the past six months, day and night, had turned into absolute confidence at this moment. I felt as if I wasn't taking an exam, but engaging in a stirring creation.
The last subject was the Science Comprehensive exam. When I saw the final Physics pressure-test problem, I couldn't help but lift the corners of my mouth slightly. The electromagnetic model of this problem was almost identical to the extension model my deskmate Luke had once drawn for me on a draft paper. I could almost see the light in his eyes behind his glasses, silently saying to me: "Keep going."
I picked up my pen, my thoughts clear, and wrote with god-like speed.
When the final bell for the exam rang, I put down my pen and took a long breath of relief.
It’s over. This year-long battle had finally come to an end.
The moment I stepped out of the exam room, the long-repressed students erupted in sky-shaking cheers. They threw books and papers into the sky, the sheets fluttering down like snow, announcing the end of an era.
I didn't cheer with them, just smiled, and followed the crowd step by step toward the school gate.
The sun was blindingly bright. I squinted, looking for Mom and Dad in the crowd.
Just then, my gaze inadvertently swept across the other side of the road.
In an inconspicuous corner, I saw a figure.
It was Seth. He looked even more down-and-out than the last time I saw him, wearing dirty work clothes, his hair stuck to his forehead in grease, his face covered in numbness and confusion. He just stood outside the crowd, blankly looking at the faces overflowing with youth and hope that surged out from the exam room.
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Those laughs, that relief, that yearning for the future—all seemed alien to him. He was like a ghost forgotten in a corner by the world, separated by an uncrossable chasm from the brightness before him.
Our eyes met for a fleeting second. I saw the shock, regret, jealousy, and a bottomless despair in his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something to me.
But I simply withdrew my gaze calmly, not letting it linger on him for even a fraction of a second.
He was just like a stone by the roadside, a tree, a stranger who had nothing to do with me.
I saw Mom and Dad, who were looking around anxiously. They spotted me too, their faces instantly blossoming with brilliant smiles as they waved at me vigorously.
I quickened my pace and trotted toward the warmth and light that belonged to me.
"Dad! Mom!"
I threw myself into Mom's arms, smelling her familiar scent, and all the fatigue and pressure vanished into thin air at this moment.
I didn't turn back to look at the ghost abandoned by the world again.
His hell, his regret, had nothing to do with me.
My future was ahead.
18
The days after the college entrance exam were a rare, long vacation in my life. I didn't go traveling or stay up all night partying like my classmates; instead, I chose to stay at home and enjoy the long-lost tranquility.
I slept until I woke up naturally every day, helped Mom with cooking, accompanied Dad to watch the news, or went to the city library to borrow the novels I had been wanting to read for a long time. Both my body and mind felt a relaxation they had never known before.
For many, waiting for the results is a torment, but for me, it was extraordinarily calm. I had given my all; as for the rest, I left it to fate. No matter the result, I would have no regrets.
My parents were more nervous than I was. Every day, they guarded the computer, refreshing the Education Examination Authority's official website, terrified of missing the moment the score inquiry channel opened.
Finally, on that sultry afternoon, the system went live.
The atmosphere in my house became tense to the extreme. Mom's palms were covered in sweat, while Dad paced back and forth in the living room.
I sat in front of the computer, and under their watchful eyes, I took a deep breath and entered my candidate number and password, digit by digit.
The moment I clicked the "Inquire" button, my heart rate inevitably accelerated.
The page refreshed, and a score report suddenly appeared on the screen.
Chinese: 138
Mathematics: 150
English: 147
Science Comprehensive: 293
Total: 728
The living room fell into a dead silence.
Mom and Dad both leaned in, eyes wide, repeatedly looking at that total score, confirming it digit by digit.
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"Sev... Seven hundred and twenty-eight?" Mom's voice was trembling. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief and looked again. "Am I seeing things? Old Xu, you look!"
Dad adjusted his reading glasses, his expression shifting slowly from shock to ecstasy. He slapped his thigh hard and shouted with a resonant voice: "You're not seeing things! It is 728! My God! My daughter is the top scholar! She’s the city’s top scholar!"
The next second, Mom hugged me, weeping with joy. Tears rolled down like beads with a broken string: "My Nina... my good child... you’ve made us so proud... you’ve made Mom so proud..."
I couldn't help but feel my eyes reddening. I hugged Mom back, feeling her body trembling slightly with excitement. All the grievances and all the hardship turned into scorching tears at this moment, flowing freely.
This score was even higher than I had expected. It was the best account I could give for the past year, and it was the loudest slap in the face to everyone who had hurt me.
Soon, the home phone became a hotline. The first to call was my homeroom teacher, Mr. Zhou, who was incoherent with excitement on the other end, repeating "Well done" and "You didn't let me down." Immediately after, calls from the admissions offices of Tsinghua and Peking University followed one after another. They offered the best conditions, enthusiastically inviting me to apply to their schools. Local newspapers and television stations also called, wanting to conduct exclusive interviews with me.
I responded to them all politely, feeling calm and clear-headed inside.
When it came time to fill out my preferences, I didn't hesitate at all.
I chose a top-tier normal university in Beijing; it was my original dream, the one I had abandoned because of Seth. For my major, I chose Chinese Language and Literature.
I could finally live for myself, completely and fully.
A few days later, a neighbor from the complex came to visit. As we chatted, she brought up the recent situation of the Miller family.
"Sigh, you guys have no idea; the Miller family is miserable now." The neighbor lowered her voice, full of gossip. "Old Miller, after being discharged, never really recovered. He has to use a crutch to walk, and they’ve spent a mountain on medical bills. Wang Xiucin doesn't have a proper job either, and can only do odd jobs everywhere. The most miserable is their son, Seth. I heard he messed around outside for a while and couldn't find a job. Now he’s washing dishes in a small restaurant nearby every day! I passed by when I was buying vegetables last time and saw him—tsk tsk—dark and thin, like a little old man. Who would have thought he used to be a university student?"
Mom listened and just gave a faint "Oh," then changed the subject, asking about the neighbor's grandson’s studies.
I sat to the side and listened quietly, without a single ripple in my heart.
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