Call Me Your Husband

Audrey turned before the door opened.

"Mrs. Mercer?" Miles said behind her.

She tightened her grip on the bakery bag.

"I can come back."

Miles glanced through the glass and understood far too quickly.

"Please don't."

Inside the room, Julian looked up. His hand moved away from Harriet's.

"Audrey."

There was no graceful way to pretend she hadn't heard. She went in and put the bag beside the bed.

"Poppy chose these."

"Where is she?"

"Home with the nanny."

Harriet's eyes moved from Audrey's blouse to the bag with open contempt.

"He has dietary restrictions."

"Then he can ask his doctor before eating one," Audrey said.

"I know what he needs."

Julian's expression hardened.

"Harriet. Enough."

She looked at him as though Audrey had made him say it.

"I've been here all afternoon."

"And I appreciate the visit. Go home."

"You need someone to stay."

"I have a wife."

The words landed in Audrey's chest with humiliating force.

Harriet stood, collecting her bag.

"Of course. Now that he's useful again, you're here."

Audrey's face warmed.

"You can dislike me without inventing reasons I came."

"You don't have to explain yourself to her," Julian said.

He looked at Harriet.

"Apologize."

"For what?"

"You heard yourself."

She stared at him, then muttered something that barely qualified before leaving.

The door closed with unnecessary force.

Audrey looked at the empty chair.

"You could have told me she was here."

"I didn't invite her."

"That wasn't what I said."

Julian held out his hand.

"Come here."

She remained where she was.

His gaze softened a little.

"Please."

That was worse. She crossed the space and sat.

He took her hand without pretending there wasn't something to settle.

"She was upset. She held my hand. I moved it when I woke properly. Nothing happened that you need to imagine differently."

Audrey looked down at their fingers.

"I didn't say I imagined anything."

"You offered to come back."

"You had company."

"I didn't want that company."

"She's your family."

"She's the daughter of the man who raised me. That doesn't make every expectation she has reasonable."

Audrey looked toward the door.

"You married me to make her stop expecting things."

"That's what I told you."

"Was it true?"

"It was useful. It wasn't the only reason."

Her eyes returned to his.

He didn't let her look away before adding, "I would have wanted you if Harriet had never existed."

She lifted her eyes.

"Who did you want?"

His mouth tilted.

"I seem to be answering that question frequently."

"Maybe you're not being convincing enough."

"Then let me improve."

He drew her hand to his chest and held it there. Beneath the hospital gown, his heartbeat was steady and real.

After days of fearing its absence, she couldn't quite make herself pull away.

"I wanted you," he said. "And when you walked away just now, I wanted to get out of this bed and follow you."

She looked at the medical equipment.

"That would have been stupid."

"I'm discovering you have a lot of opinions about me."

"I've had three years to collect them."

His thumb moved over the inside of her wrist, a familiar gesture made strangely delicate by the hospital room.

"Tell me another."

"You shouldn't hold my hand like this if you're going to be cold tomorrow."

He stopped moving.

"Is that what you think I do?"

She looked at him steadily.

"Yes."

He let the answer stand between them.

"I thought I was giving you space."

"You gave me distance."

"There's a difference?"

"One lets me come closer. The other tells me not to."

Julian looked down at her hand on his chest.

Then he lifted it and pressed his mouth to her palm.

Audrey's breath caught.

It wasn't a kiss meant for anyone watching. It was quiet enough to make everything she hadn't said feel visible.

"Then come closer," he said.

She leaned forward and kissed his forehead, careful of the bed rail.

"Get better first."

He closed his eyes beneath the touch.

For a moment, he looked younger. Less like the man who could make an entire room rearrange itself around his entrance, more like someone tired of holding himself upright.

She stayed until evening.

They talked about Poppy's preschool clothes, the bracelet case, his childhood in Thomas's house. Julian explained how he'd learned to cook because there was often nobody available to do it.

"You were just a boy," she said.

"Harriet was younger. She still needed dinner."

Audrey thought about his careful habits, the way he rarely asked for anything he couldn't arrange himself.

She understood some of the distance without forgiving all of it.

Before she left, he reached for his phone.

"What have you saved me as?"

"What?"

"In your contacts."

She knew the answer would offend him before she showed it.

Mr. Mercer.

Julian stared at the screen.

"Three years."

"It's practical."

"So is a filing cabinet. I'm not one."

She took back the phone, smiling despite herself.

"What would you prefer?"

"Your husband."

The smile faded into something warmer.

"Julian might be less embarrassing if Elise sees."

"I can survive Elise."

"I work with her. I can't."

He looked pleased enough to be insufferable.

"Julian, then. For now."

She changed it in front of him.

Later, at home, his name lit her screen.

She answered immediately.

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Then why are you calling?"

He paused.

"I wanted to hear what you'd call me."

Audrey stood in the quiet bedroom, looking at the space beside her pillow.

"You're ridiculous, Julian."

"Better."

She laughed, and he remained on the line until she stopped trying to think of a reason to hang up.

By the time he came home, she had put his suitcase away. Hers remained in the guest-room closet, unopened.

The following morning, he took Poppy to preschool as promised. Audrey watched him kneel to fix the rabbit backpack straps before kissing their daughter's cheek.

A teacher smiled at them.

"She's lucky."

Audrey looked at Julian, whose eyes had already found hers.

For the first time, she wondered whether he might be, too.

Then Ryan called while she was driving to the studio.

She declined it.

His message arrived a minute later.

Ask your husband why he refuses to have a child with you. There are things he's never going to tell you.